Living in Fear

My husband and I had an interesting conversation this weekend and I realized a common thread about fear and spirituality that may seem obvious, but one that I had overlooked all the same. I did not grow up believing in hell or a devil. I was taught that we are all loved beings on a mission for personal growth that in turn, brings us closer to our source. ( If you are of God, then all that you learn, experience, conceptualize, adds to the greater source that is God) So the concept of being fearful not to believe in God is foreign to me. I have long believed and science supports the idea, that fear has a debilitating effect on the body. When our fear is turned inward, we experience anxiety and depression. There is an actual physical and chemical response to that fear. Fear increases our heart rates, releases cortisol into our blood streams, which causes an avalanche of related symptoms, high blood pressure, increased weight, decreased weight, loss of appetite, etc. and the list goes on. So if that is the case, how are we ever to achieve spiritual tranquility if the very thing that is supposed to bring us comfort is rooted in fear? I have to admit, that I have steered clear of any religion that tells me that I am 'not worthy' or attempts to shame or scare me into believing something. I don't think it is at all possible to trust in anything fully that requires you fear it. I love my personal relationship with God. We talk almost daily and I feel supported and loved by this invisible force that governs my world. I am not at all afraid to admit that everyone has the opportunity to find peace in their hearts, no matter what they have done. I cannot and will not profess to know the inner workings of the universe. I cannot fathom the bigger picture of my life in its entirety, but I know that God has my back and that I am here to learn and to be challenged and if I am fearful, how will I ever triumph in my challenges? I cannot believe that is the point. I once had a very in depth conversation with a friend who expressed the idea that God and Allah were not the same. I don't agree with that. Common sense tells us that an apple is an apple in the U.S. or in Asia even though it is spoken in a different language. Is it really that much of a jump to assume that God would have more than one name given the wondrous variety of peoples that he created? Why would a creator want any of his creations to feel less than because of skin color, geography or dialect? I do not assume the worst, I never have. My husband teases me that I have an extremely beautiful view of the world and he is right. "So a man thinkth, so he is." God gave me a mind that questions and despite the atrocities that our species is capable of, I still see beauty and love and hope. Our greatest lessons are learned through hardship. We cannot have the human spirit lift us to new heights if there is nothing to rail against. It's a hard truth, but the bad supports the good and gives us the opportunity to grow. I have faith that no matter what test I give myself, there is something valuable for me to learn even if I don't see what it is in the beginning or ever. When the storm has passed and the wreckage lay all over the beach, I have the ability to say, "Ah, I see now." Even in those times when I think that something is unfair or that I would never have invited this turmoil or that pain into my life, months down the road, those lessons serve me and I am stronger for them. No, I don't think I'll live in fear. Instead, I choose to accept responsibility for my existence, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

Teacher as Student, Student as Teacher

I just finished teaching my morning classes. My 8:30am Beginner Vinyasa class is one of my favorite classes. This is the class where I get my workout. My students have all been with me for a while in this class and there is a lot of room to play with them. I know, I know, it's not supposed to be my workout and I'm not saying that I don't align or gently correct, it's just that in this class I have the freedom to be a student as well, in a sense. The community that I live in does not have any other yoga instructors besides myself and that can get somewhat lonely at times. I long to be taught and to continue my own journey in yoga with the insight and benefit of a teacher leading me, inspiring me, and encouraging me to go within and discover my potential. But, for now, my only option is to read, dissect DVDs and scour the web for information. There will come a time in my life when I will be able to spend hours at workshops and participate in more teacher trainings, but for now, with the size of my family and my current obligations, 8:30 Vinyasa is my playground. I was reading through David Swenson's , Ashtanga Yoga, "The Practice Manual", over the weekend and came across his version of incorporating the eight limbs into your personal practice. Patanjali, the author of the Yoga Sutras, described the eight aspects of yoga as limbs of a tree. I'd like to share it with you now. Of all the different ways to interpret the many aspects of yoga, I think that I relate to his insights more closely at this time of my life than any other, but hey, I'm only forty. David writes, "Through regulation of practice, the eight limbs are nourished. Personal insights begin to manifest. We become aware of what we put into our bodies and how we interact with the world around us. From this type of introspection, the qualities of Yama and Niyama begin to develop. Asanas and Pranayama grow when focused awareness of the breath is applied while practicing each posture. As we keep the mind fixed on the sound and quality of our breath, the senses are encouraged to turn inward and the element of Pratyahara manifests. As we improve our abilities of controlling the senses from wandering during practice, the subtle quality of concentration deepens in the form of Dharana. In time, the practice moves further internally and refinement of concentration develops as our ability to remain present is enhanced. The practice then grows into a deep resounding meditative experience known as Dhyana. At this stage, we are creating greater potential to explore the finest realms of yoga known as Samadhi, in which we realize the pure essence of all that exists." I think that is so incredibly beautiful and so worthy of further study. I cannot explain why I feel such a close connection to the art of yoga, I just do. I imagine it is the same feeling that many people get from prayer or devotion. I simply identify with the spirituality that resides there, most likely because it asks me only to look within to find my divinity. Yoga is so much more than postures. Yoga is a way of living your life that opens your mind to who you truly are, a divine spiritual being, and then it challenges you to discover how to best offer those gifts, inherent only to you, in order to fully serve humanity.
I want so much to incorporate those teachings into my classes. I want my students to comprehend the work that they are doing internally as they shuffle in for class. But in my heart, I know that each of them is getting exactly what they need at each moment and on every level, regardless of my influence. In truth, they are my teachers. I seek not only for myself, but for them so that I might better communicate the true expression of what we are all doing there at 8:30 in the morning when it's 17 degrees outside.

Introducing Something New

Over the holiday break, I have been putting together the outline for my upcoming workshop, Resolution Solution 2010. I am introducing the 8 Limbs of Yoga to those who attend as well as basic meditation techniques and an introduction to the chakras. It is one thing to comprehend something yourself, but to put it in a forum for those who have never even heard of a chakra or The Eight Limbs is something else entirely. I must admit though, on the fresh side of the new year, I am feeling invigorated about my own personal practice. Rereading the material I was taught with and discovering the many other interpretations of that same philosophy, I am downright excited to feel the seeds of discovery sprouting their little heads in mine. My students, up to this point have experienced what I call 'Western Yoga.' Western yoga is more about the physical part of yoga, although in my classes, I attempt to bring the mysticism that eastern philosophy provides. But as I am writing my notes and marking pages of reference, I begin to see insights that had escaped me previously. I am not at all surprised however. Reading just about anything lends itself to rediscovery at different stages in life as our cones of perception broaden and concepts that were at one time baffling suddenly come into glaring focus. Make no mistake, yoga is a spiritual path and it will lead you to some pretty insightful stuff if you will allow it. As for me, I am rededicating myself to the Eight Limbs. For those of you unfamiliar with what I'm talking about, here is a brief explanation;
The Limbs are as follows:
1.Yama, Attitudes toward our environment-the ethics of non-violence, restraint from lying, stealing and greed.
2.Niyama, Attitudes towards ourselves-cleanliness, serenity, study, devotion and asceticism.
3.Asana, Posture practice-positioning of the body while incorporating the breath to achieve a greater awareness in the mind.
4.Pranayama, Breath-control-energizing and balancing of the mind-body through the stilling and flow of breath and prana.
5.Pratyahara,Sense withdrawal-relaxation and internalization of the senses in order to activate the mind.
6.Dharana, Concentration-focusing and holding of the attention.
7.Dhyana, Meditation-prolonged concentration fills the whole consciousness.
8.Samadhi,Ultimate state of self-realization-absorbed concentration leads to the "awakened" state, or liberation.
(Living Yoga, Creating a Life Practice, 2002)
I could speak for hours on just the yama's, so this will truly be just an introduction. I think people need to do the real research themselves to fully integrate the teachings of anything new to them. The whole point of any text, new or ancient is to find yourself in its' pages. Christy Turlington wrote, "Self-realization is just that, self-realization. Guidance should be welcomed, but not without some ringing of truth within us. Not everything we are taught is always appropriate for us." I love that. It cracks me up when people say that they are able to be completely objective about anything. I'm not saying that you can't be objective, I'm just saying that your very being is a compilation of your experiences, past and present. It is impossible to not be influenced by your experiences and the thoughts and attitudes that surround them. That is what makes you, well...you. So read and philosophize and integrate and question. Make whatever it is that interests you your own. You need not look into anyone else's mind for an answer to any question. If we are patient and still, God will whisper in our ears.

Starting Fresh

As I sit down to write this blog, I am pondering the typical January 1st thought, "What will I resolve to do differently this year?" The number of things that come to mind are too numerous for me to list let alone comprehend today, so instead, this year, I vow to take a new tact. I recently read the difference between a vow and a promise and have to say that I realized that I have not really taken the power of a vow seriously. This year I vow to uphold my vows. This is a spiritual promise, not an "I swear to only put 1 tablespoon of creamer in my coffee instead of 5", kind of promise." This speaks to me in a different language completely. I vow with my spirit, to make a true effort to change habits that impede my growth as a human being. We all make the typical resolution of losing weight, working out, flossing or swearing off chocolate. I want this year, 2010, to be different. I want to infuse my life with hope. I want to see it everywhere, no matter the situation. I want to see the human spirit at it's best, uplifted, glorious and full of light. I want to see in others what I want to see in myself...joy. It is so easy to fall into the habit of feeling sorry for ourselves. "I have too much laundry, homework to check, toilets to clean.", we cry! The list goes on and on, but it doesn't change the fact that there is still laundry to do, homework to check or toilets to clean. It just makes you miserable in the process. What I have just described is, in fact, an adult temper tantrum. I have had them a lot lately and unfortunately, my husband has had to catch the brunt of them. I will even go so far as to say that I blamed him for them. For that I am eternally remorseful. So this New Years, I won't make the standard resolution, I'll make a series of resolutions all year long, perhaps even try to bring one a day to consciousness for the sake of growing in my spirit, to find the joy in my life again. It's still there, I've just been blinded by my own self centered ways. Today, I resolve to see others as I would like to be seen, as a divine spiritual being put on this earth/school to expand my consciousness and to truly get to know thyself. Only by doing that will I ever get to know the divine and in the end, I think that's the point. I am supposed to relate to God via me and if I don't know me, how will I ever know God? The good news for all of my yoga students is this, because what I am experiencing in life, usually comes out in class, you too will get the opportunity the delve deeply into uncharted waters, feel free to take the ride, or go it at your own pace, but the chance for spiritual upheaval is at hand if you're brave enough to take the challenge. And I use the word brave intentionally here. Change is never easy, but it is necessary for progress. You will find those around you who will argue your need to evolve, they will want you to stay the same, usually for them, because if you are doing something that they are participating in and you choose not to do it henceforth, where does that leave them? A person must be willing to leave behind the thing that is keeping them stagnant and it feels 'oh-so-comfortable' there, all warm and secure and familiar-fuzzy. But I am fairly certain that there is a feeling beyond description waiting for me on the other side of fear called freedom. I don't know about you, but I think I'll take my chances.

Johnathon Livingston Seagull

The first spiritual book I remember reading, or rather, having read to me was, Johnathon Livingston Seagull, by Richard Bach. It had a profound impact on me even at the age of 9. It opened my mind to the idea of infinite possibility and the idea that we are all creative in our own ways and that we should follow that creativity at all cost. My aunt was a huge influence concerning my spirituality. She took me to a Unity church when I was young and I loved what they were about. Unity is incredibly open minded and progressive. So much so that every service began with meditation. It was incredibly exotic to me and I remember feeling quite special when we would practice it. I remember clearly the pastors name, Linda Pendergrass. She was female, obviously, and was so moving in her sermons that my aunt would write out these ridiculously large amounts on her checks and then have to tear it up and rewrite one that would actually clear. I wanted to feel that. I was eager to feel passion about my existance and wanted, more than anything, to find the answers to the questions that all beings seek. "Why am I here?"
A few years later, I was introduced to Shirley Mclain in the movie, "Out On A Limb." It was as if everything I thought about life and the afterlife was being confirmed. I knew that what she was saying was the truth for me. It felt more familiar than my own skin. This was my real introduction to past lives. I grew up believing that we have all been here many times in many different bodies, both male and female, but 'Out On A Limb' gave me proof. From that moment on, my dream was to go to Peru, Manch Pichu in particular, to experience the kind of phenomenon that so many people were claiming to be experiencing. I began to look at my life with different eyes. Eyes that were as ancient as I was. And thus began my journey in to past lives, accountability, hypnosis, quantum mechanics, string theory and the like. Life was not random and meaningless, it was in fact, the opposite; perfectly orchestrated but intertwined with free will. I have been reading and studying and practicing ever since. One of the most profound experiences I have ever had happened a few days after seeing the movie, and was witnessed by my closest friend in high school. She was the perfect person to be with at that moment, but that is a story for another day.
Namste and Shanti.
Summer

Yoga In a Small Town

Sometimes I can't believe the following that has gathered here in my small town to learn about all things yoga. I understand that some people just want to try the latest trendy workout, but the truth is, yoga has been around for over 5000 years, so there's nothing new about it. And like my instructor told me, most people come to the mat in search of something. Usually, you are in some kind of pain. Typically emotional, but also physical. I have many students who want to be active but have been injured in some way and are in desperate need of rehab. What they soon discover, however, is that what they were really looking for was a community of like minded people. We are all searching for that in some form or another, and I find that yogis tend to have giving hearts and are willing put themselves out there for each other. When I first moved here, as is typical for me, I felt out of place. I am an incredibly spiritual person, which translates to 'nonreligious-free thinking-came up with my own faith' kind of thing. That doesn't bode well in a small town. After being ask repeatedly if I was 'plugged in' anywhere, and my many refusals over the years, most people accept that I am 'kind of different' and don't ask me to attend their churches anymore, but alas, I am thought of as lost or searching, someone who doesn't understand the power of accepting Jesus as their Lord and Savior. The funny thing is, I am rarely ask what I do believe in, what my faith means to me, how I came to the conclusions I came to or if I even believe in God. It is assumed that I don't and that my quality of life is not quite what it could be because I don't attend church on a regular basis. The truth is, I have tried a couple of churches, but I cannot profess to believe in the doctrines and feel more like a hypocrite than anything, so I follow my own path, for lack of a better word. So this is what this blog is about, my spirituality, how I got here, what I read, and how it feels to be a good person who feels rejected for not being a member of the religious 'club'. I sincerely hope to find my community here, to feel a connection and to express my views as honestly as I can without feeling judged or pitied. Until tomorrow.
Namaste',
Swami Summer